


Denial

by lily_lovely



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Angst, F/F, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-12-19
Updated: 2008-12-19
Packaged: 2017-10-02 23:05:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lily_lovely/pseuds/lily_lovely
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Buffy can't help denying her relationship with Faith. Denial is what she does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Denial

When Buffy fights with Faith, it always ends in fucking.

Their kisses are full of racing tongues and harlot lipstick. Skin runs slick with sweat and musk; their sex is made of movements so liquid and sensual that Buffy wonders if she'd been doing it wrong before.

She feels powerful, feral. Dangerous, even.

They have a crazed edge that she has never felt before; their wild passion is hot and scorching, and she knows that it can't be sustained.

She knows it will burn them alive.

***  
Some of it is simple lust: two overly sexualized girls fighting themselves into an adrenaline-ridden frenzy, satisfying a purely physical need.

But part of it is something like love, because whenever she sees Faith, her heart races like it never has before.

Something tells her it will never race like this again.

***  
She fights it.

She fights with Faith, kicks her and punches her and beats her bloody until she knows she's punished them both enough that she can give in to what she really needs.

And sometimes, afterward, Buffy sees something so young and vulnerable and scared in Faith's face that she almost says something. She doesn't know what to say, exactly, but she feels the need to offer some sort of comfort.

But then Faith looks down, and her emotions flicker behind her eyes. And Buffy lets herself pretend she never saw anything.

It makes her feel guilty, but she pushes the feeling aside.

***  
She feels dirty, loving this clearly damaged girl. She wonders what it says about her, and shoves the thought away with thrusts of stakes or fingers.

She can't tell anyone. Buffy can't even have a normal relationship with Faith, because everything she feels for her is wrong and twisted and sick. They have quick and dirty sex up against walls after killing things, they chain each other to motel beds, they scratch and bite each other until they bleed.

There's no tenderness, or gentleness, or kindness.

Even though sometimes Buffy thinks that if they stopped denying everything…maybe they could be normal.

Or something even better.

***  
She has this feeling that they really are the same, down in their cores.

She wonders why they have to be so different on the outside. Why she has to pretend to hate Faith and hunt her down when she's going to be twisting her fingers up her cunt in an alley an hour later.

Because it hurts; the things Faith says to her make her cry herself to sleep at night. And the ache, the need for things to be different, to be better…

…it's so thick it chokes her.

But a bigger part of her knows it has to be this way. Faith lives in one world, and Buffy has another. They collide briefly, but in between they have to be brutal, and full of wicked, painful barbs and sharply dripping sarcasm.

After all, Buffy's always lived a life of denial. She can keep it going.

Until it kills them both.


End file.
